Work, R. Kelly, and a mandolin.
So, I have been living in a state of hazy depression. A little over a year ago, I was in a strange place. I had just bought a house, which I was able to do from simply playing music, and DJing. I had just rescued a dog, R. Kelly, and was setting up a new chapter in my life. Then the Detroit Tigers made the World Series. Since my job involved performing shows, most of them being regular weekly or bi-weekly shows, my venues contacted me to let me know that my shows were cancelled, due to the Tigers’ games. I lost $400 in a week. I quickly came to realize that I may need to pick up a dreaded day job to make sure that I could keep my house and not destroy my credit. The day job that I took, just under a year ago, quickly led to promotion after promotion, and I now find myself in a place where I am working 60 hours a week at my day job, as well as still doing 3 or 4 shows a week. I have more money than I have ever had in my entire life (I have a $600 check sitting on my coffee table from a wedding I played 2 weeks ago, and being terribly poor for most of my life makes me feel like Bill Gates), but I am 10x more miserable than I have ever been. All of the days that I have off are dedicated to shows. I often joke that all I want to do is go to a place and do a thing. It doesn’t matter what the place may be, or what the thing may be. I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.
I have felt creatively bankrupt for months. My guitar hasn’t seen the inside of my house in months. It stays in its case until showtime. I don’t even keep my drum set in my house anymore. It now resides in pieces in the studio between shows. Last Tuesday I had the morning off, and I decided on a whim to buy a mandolin. I took it home, and over the next 5 hours learned how to play it. Well at least learned how to play it enough. It was the first time in the last six months that I have been excited about music. That is sad to me, because for the last 20 years I have been excited about music everyday.
I have already been feeling terrible about not spending enough time with R. Kelly. He is such an amazing dog, but I barely get to see him. Sometimes I am gone from 5am until 12am. That doesn’t allow for a lot of puppy cuddle time. Today was my first full day off in months. I didn’t have to do anything. I woke up and took R. Kelly for a walk. Normally he pulls me all over the neighborhood, but today he stayed by my side with a look of sadness in his eyes. I noticed that he didn’t take his usual position next to me on the couch to watch the last week of DVRed Judge Mathis. He was instead wagging his tail in front of the couch looking at me with a world full of sadness in his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to sit on the couch and watch Judge Mathis with me, but suddenly couldn’t. After checking him out, using his tail wagging as an indicator, I have figured out that it is something wrong in his back legs/hips. He is miserable, and I have to lift him up and down the stairs, and on and off the couch or bed. I feel a sense of terrible dread and anxiety. I have an appointment tomorrow at my vet, and I am calling in sick, and I am just a mess. I am hoping that everything is ok, but I am thinking that maybe, just maybe, I had to go through this period of the deepest darkest depression, so that I could make enough money to save the best part of my everyday life, R. Kelly. If that is the case, then I will continue the terrible life that I am living. He is worth it.
Spitalfield - Remember Right Now
So important to me.
Be an Artist.
I tried not being an artist for years. It didn’t work. Please, do what you love. Help make the world more awesome than it was before you showed up.
And here are more comics about creativity.
I have recently realized that I either have to have a job that is fulfilling creatively, or I have to have a job that allows me the time to be creatively fulfilled by other projects. Currently I have neither.
I HATE MY FUCKING BULLSHIT JOB!!!!!!
How many blondes does it take to play football without a football?
The first time a track and field star was ever fined by the NHL.